It's not you -- it's the sheer amount of good and occasionally brilliant content published every day (including on Substack). Yours is one of the few newsletters among the many I subscribe to I ALWAYS read. Keep doing what you're doing?
Oh my gosh this makes me so happy! Thank you for sharing that, and I know you’re right — there’s so many talented writers on here that it’s not personal, but the feelings are hard to push past some days, and today was one of those days. Thank you so much for reading.
Yours is one of the newsletters I always read, because even though I'm subscribed to more than 20 (it's true), I don't have the energy - nor the time - to read all of them. But I do read yours because I connect with what you have to say.
I relate to what you've written because I often see Facebook memories of my younger self saying, "I know I'm gonna be a published author someday." I'm 30 now and nowhere soon to be published, I work in a 9-5 that doesn't make me very happy, but it pay my bills, and what I could do right now was decide to start slow and get back to writing, study and try to connect with people who are on the same (or similar) road as me. I do believe that being around people who understand helps, even a little.
Maybe let loose a little bit, turn off the computer and, if possible, the brain, and binge-watch the TV show you're loving so you can recharge and pick it up from there later.
Thank you for your honesty. Sharing this is not an easy thing; it takes bravery, and just from that, I'm sure you're gonna make it when you least expect it.
Aww Melina. Thank you so much for your kind words — it makes me so happy to hear you’re a regular reader of my newsletter. Seriously, that means the world. But yeah, I’m thirty too, and it’s jarring to see how much longer things take than you hoped or expected. I think it’s good advice to give yourself a break and some slack every now and then. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for both of us. Thank you for reading, and please keep writing :)
Hey Caroline — I know that feeling, when the weight of it doesn’t fit neatly into words.
We all pretend not to care about numbers, but they sit there glowing on the dashboard. For every 500 subs, maybe five comments — the rest, silent. Click Post, and wait.........
Sometimes naming it out loud — like you’ve done here — is progress. You’ve turned something private into connection, and that matters more than it feels.
I’ve been there too — different platform, same silence. It’s still heavy some days, but maybe that’s part of the work: learning to carry the weight without mistaking it for failure.
Keep driving. Do plan for the comfort breaks!
The fact you’re still at the wheel — that is the sign.
Wow Mark thank you so so much for saying this! And yes, the outpouring of support after I shared how I was feeling was really encouraging — and especially seeing how many others shared similar feelings. It’s hard when we’re met with silence, but I love what you said at the end. It’s all about staying and wheel and continuing to move forward.
your vulnerability and honesty here is refreshing. you've said what i think so many people are afraid to admit. we WANT to be read, and that's ok! i hope that you get your sign soon. the waiting is the hardest, but i also think that's what sets people apart. patience is a frustrating gift in that way.
i bought katabasis, but i haven't cracked it open yet. i've heard so many things about it that i think i'm half-scared to start it in case it doesn't live up to the hype. maybe i'll start on it this week upon your recommendation! babel is on my list eventually, too!
Yeah I’m right there with ya - Babel’s been sitting on my bedside table for a week now! Let’s both make a pact to start our respective RF Kuang books haha! And thank you so much for the kind words Morgan — sometimes I feel silly complaining about things I know everyone else is experiencing too, but it really is cathartic to have these conversations and realize you’re not alone! writing can feel so solitary sometimes
Just like Taylor Swift sang in one of her recent songs, “I suffer from terminal uniqueness.” I don’t know why I think I’m the only writer who feels everything you just wrote about — but it was a surprise to read you feel this way. Especially someone with 6969 subscribers 😉 Numbers I can’t even fathom at this point.
Reading your heartfelt words made me realise that even those further along than me in their writing journeys still struggle with rejection, doubt, and the frustration that they’re still not further along. This is a valuable lesson you’ve taught me, that’s why I appreciate you sharing so openly. I’m in the valley at the moment myself & you’ve made me feel so much less alone.
In my last article, I wrote about having similar feelings (& the ridiculous expectations I have of my writing — and myself in general). But then I felt silly and indulgent afterwards 😂
All this to say, I completely understand your desire for success as a writer & the metrics you’re using to measure that success. Just know that despite your incredible talent, tenacity, and the fact that you’re seemingly doing everything ‘right,’ this path is never linear. Hang in there, valleys be damned xx
Valleys be damned! I love that Genevieve! We’ve got this! And yes, I think it’s totally normal to think “at this point in my writing career, I’ll stop experiencing valleys and never doubt myself again,” but I think the reality is, it’s part of the creative life and we just have to recognize that those dips are natural and keep writing through them! Thank you so much for reading and for your sharing your experience! Keep writing!
Super post - but hang on, vodka pasta? What glorious madness is this? Yes please!
I too have noticed big changes in my own Substack - and you're right, although it's really not all about the numbers it's kind of hard not to give them attention. I've been working through some things and realised that I'm having a much more enjoyable time of things (writing life, health life, life life) by at last realising that accepting a situation (as in: this is now, and this is okay) is not the same as giving up on a situation (I hate this, it's rubbish).
Oh wow, I’m so glad this piece made you feel lighter — yes, so many of us are going through it! It’s hard bc you see so many “viral” pieces, but I think a lot of are struggling with slowing growth and lowering engagement :( And YES, vodka pasta is my absolute fave - you HAVE to try it! Thanks so much for reading, and here’s hoping things shift a bit on here for both of us!
There is so much great content on here and it is hard to find time to read them all! I really enjoy your content and the crafty imagery brings a unique level of personal artistry and nuance which I find mentally stimulating to look at and relate to the words, and it emotionally resonates with me too.
Your dedication and consistency is super impressive. I guess it’s because you’re a young American? I think you guys have such high standards for yourselves in this way, always pushing to be a success in everything. As a middle aged European woman (Irish but living in the Netherlands)..my standard for myself is much more gentle, which is probably why I am not very visible on Substack. To be honest, my advice would be totale a short break from time to time and for now, perhaps focus primarily on finishing your thesis? I can also recommend focusing on others for a while, reading other writing on Substack, giving some feedback etc. It’s so rewarding and you can learn a lot too about different approaches to writing and sharing content. Also, you can have an aimless wonder through town, what they call a ‘nicksen day’ here in the Netherlands….with NO PLAN! When things get too much, this is the best way of unwinding..walking, wandering, reading a book in a cafe, trying on new scarves..whatever! My main message is..cut yourself some slack and be your best pal for a day! Maybe buy a new autumn beret or a nail polish. The seasonal change can cause a dip in energy, so try take it slow…
By the way, that dress looks incredible on you! You should get it! But the doll would keep me awake at night haha..but I guess it’s good gothic inspiration!
hahaha yes the doll terrifies my fiancé so he definitely agrees with you! Thank you so much for this warm, heartfelt response Judy. I always look forward to reading your comments. I definitely agree that part of it is a cultural/age pressure — everyone around me is always doing so much, so it often feels like you need to keep up. I love your suggestions for how to unwind a bit — I’m about to get married and go on a honeymoon so I think that will be a very much-needed break for me :)
you ARE doing the right thing--writing! I really believe that resilience, patience, and grit matter even more than talent when it comes to writing success, though you have both. thank you for your honesty here. writing a novel is a private, challenging long game with no guaranteed publication at the end of it, and like of COURSE that is mentally hard for us all! I really appreciate you being upfront about wanting to have your work published for other readers to enjoy & wanting to make money from writing. I am working on undoing the message that I receive often, which suggests that these desires are almost like a dirty thing, like we should just be satisfied being struggling, lonesome unread artists bc we just love the ~craft~ so much, lol. it's not all about external validation but realistically, that's part of it, or else we'd all just be writing in our diaries.
Two more quick stray thoughts: 1) I'm genuinely not looking at my subscriber count anymore but I did recently go to my profile and accidentally see it and i was like OH same number it's been for ohhhh like six months now, huh? lol ugh whatever. I have become much more proud of having a thoughtful, engaged audience vs a high subscriber count anyway, and you have both! 2) RHOSLC is so sooo good and I stand by my belief that the smartest, most literary women I know are watching it <3
Omg I love everything about this comment. YES the hottest, smartest women ARE watching RHSLC. And wow, I am sorry to hear you’re plateauing on here too, but it does make me feel better to know that other writers I really admire are experiencing the same thing, because if a writer I admire as much as you is going through it, it must be okay haha! Thank you thank you Lindsey for the encouragement. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us for wanting external validation. We just both have to keep going, like we’re already doing! I appreciate you so much :)
I'll echo what others have said already: your newsletter is one i read every time when it comes to the diary entries! I admit i slack off a bit on the writing lessons because i need so much more braincells for those, but your diaries entries are at the same time easy to read, deep in reflection, and interesting to compare to my emotions.
I relate a lot to what you've written! I often remember my younger self wanting to be published (not that i did anything to make that happen), and now that i've started to write more seriously, i face the same emotions as you.
People always say not to put too much of your internal value into external validation (for good reasons!) but i don't think that's very applicable to writers and artists in general. We don't create art to be left in the attick, we do it because we want others to enjoy it -- and for a book that means getting published.
Sorry for waffling on for so long, i just hope you will get that sign very soon and will get your motivation back!!
PS: also don't worry too much about the metrics, i think with the current climate, sadly, american audiences which are most of substack, are a bit less likely to come on here for stuff related to culture and entertainment!
Thank you so so much Rose. This means so much to me! Seriously, this made my day. I love what you said about how "we don't create art to be left in the attic." This is exactly how I feel! Of course, I want to be a purist but also, I care whether people connect with my art! I think all good artists should! And I really will try to care less about the metrics. I think I'm still so new to substack that I haven't learned to like ignore the numbers and understand their natural fluctuations. So, I'm definitely working on that. Thank you Rose :)
I very nearly bought Katabasis yesterday (after spending a half hour staring at titles in the shop); I loved Yellowface. Kuang is so clever. I ended up walking away with two other novels, mostly because I didn't want to read a hardcover on the little holiday I'm about to take, and that was the only option for Katabasis.
Thank you so much Sophie :) That means everything!!
And okay, as soon as Katabasis has a paperback you should buy it— it’s amazing!! Normally, I’d recommend the audiobook, but I think this one really needs to be read on paper.
I admire your work ethic and your decoration to your craft so so much Caroline. I am always so impressed by how structured and well cared-for every aspect of your writing is, from presentation to execution.
I relate to this in writing and just in chasing a dream in general. It's hard putting in endless work to constantly face road blocks or stagnation especially when you believe whole heartily in everything that you put out. And it's get even harder when doubt kicks in and your waiting for a sign to tell you that your doing everything right, to just keep fighting. But keep fighting and keep going. When I published an piece that meant everything to me and received not even a glance, you not only read it, liked it but commented and that too me felt like a sign. Like maybe, I wasn't just wasting my time on a dream that's going no where. I hope this is a sign just as much as you were to me, to keep going.
Awww Deavon, thank you thank you for these words. I wish you didn’t relate, but it also means so much that another writer I admire is experiencing similar feelings. I am hoping for a sign for both of us—maybe the best place to search for it is in the work itself. Let’s keep going :)
It's not you -- it's the sheer amount of good and occasionally brilliant content published every day (including on Substack). Yours is one of the few newsletters among the many I subscribe to I ALWAYS read. Keep doing what you're doing?
Oh my gosh this makes me so happy! Thank you for sharing that, and I know you’re right — there’s so many talented writers on here that it’s not personal, but the feelings are hard to push past some days, and today was one of those days. Thank you so much for reading.
Yours is one of the newsletters I always read, because even though I'm subscribed to more than 20 (it's true), I don't have the energy - nor the time - to read all of them. But I do read yours because I connect with what you have to say.
I relate to what you've written because I often see Facebook memories of my younger self saying, "I know I'm gonna be a published author someday." I'm 30 now and nowhere soon to be published, I work in a 9-5 that doesn't make me very happy, but it pay my bills, and what I could do right now was decide to start slow and get back to writing, study and try to connect with people who are on the same (or similar) road as me. I do believe that being around people who understand helps, even a little.
Maybe let loose a little bit, turn off the computer and, if possible, the brain, and binge-watch the TV show you're loving so you can recharge and pick it up from there later.
Thank you for your honesty. Sharing this is not an easy thing; it takes bravery, and just from that, I'm sure you're gonna make it when you least expect it.
Aww Melina. Thank you so much for your kind words — it makes me so happy to hear you’re a regular reader of my newsletter. Seriously, that means the world. But yeah, I’m thirty too, and it’s jarring to see how much longer things take than you hoped or expected. I think it’s good advice to give yourself a break and some slack every now and then. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for both of us. Thank you for reading, and please keep writing :)
Hey Caroline — I know that feeling, when the weight of it doesn’t fit neatly into words.
We all pretend not to care about numbers, but they sit there glowing on the dashboard. For every 500 subs, maybe five comments — the rest, silent. Click Post, and wait.........
Sometimes naming it out loud — like you’ve done here — is progress. You’ve turned something private into connection, and that matters more than it feels.
I’ve been there too — different platform, same silence. It’s still heavy some days, but maybe that’s part of the work: learning to carry the weight without mistaking it for failure.
Keep driving. Do plan for the comfort breaks!
The fact you’re still at the wheel — that is the sign.
Wow Mark thank you so so much for saying this! And yes, the outpouring of support after I shared how I was feeling was really encouraging — and especially seeing how many others shared similar feelings. It’s hard when we’re met with silence, but I love what you said at the end. It’s all about staying and wheel and continuing to move forward.
your vulnerability and honesty here is refreshing. you've said what i think so many people are afraid to admit. we WANT to be read, and that's ok! i hope that you get your sign soon. the waiting is the hardest, but i also think that's what sets people apart. patience is a frustrating gift in that way.
i bought katabasis, but i haven't cracked it open yet. i've heard so many things about it that i think i'm half-scared to start it in case it doesn't live up to the hype. maybe i'll start on it this week upon your recommendation! babel is on my list eventually, too!
Yeah I’m right there with ya - Babel’s been sitting on my bedside table for a week now! Let’s both make a pact to start our respective RF Kuang books haha! And thank you so much for the kind words Morgan — sometimes I feel silly complaining about things I know everyone else is experiencing too, but it really is cathartic to have these conversations and realize you’re not alone! writing can feel so solitary sometimes
Just keep swimming just keep swimming. Just keep swimming swimming swimming 🐟🐠🐡
thanks for encouraging me to write about this beeb!
Just like Taylor Swift sang in one of her recent songs, “I suffer from terminal uniqueness.” I don’t know why I think I’m the only writer who feels everything you just wrote about — but it was a surprise to read you feel this way. Especially someone with 6969 subscribers 😉 Numbers I can’t even fathom at this point.
Reading your heartfelt words made me realise that even those further along than me in their writing journeys still struggle with rejection, doubt, and the frustration that they’re still not further along. This is a valuable lesson you’ve taught me, that’s why I appreciate you sharing so openly. I’m in the valley at the moment myself & you’ve made me feel so much less alone.
In my last article, I wrote about having similar feelings (& the ridiculous expectations I have of my writing — and myself in general). But then I felt silly and indulgent afterwards 😂
All this to say, I completely understand your desire for success as a writer & the metrics you’re using to measure that success. Just know that despite your incredible talent, tenacity, and the fact that you’re seemingly doing everything ‘right,’ this path is never linear. Hang in there, valleys be damned xx
Valleys be damned! I love that Genevieve! We’ve got this! And yes, I think it’s totally normal to think “at this point in my writing career, I’ll stop experiencing valleys and never doubt myself again,” but I think the reality is, it’s part of the creative life and we just have to recognize that those dips are natural and keep writing through them! Thank you so much for reading and for your sharing your experience! Keep writing!
Super post - but hang on, vodka pasta? What glorious madness is this? Yes please!
I too have noticed big changes in my own Substack - and you're right, although it's really not all about the numbers it's kind of hard not to give them attention. I've been working through some things and realised that I'm having a much more enjoyable time of things (writing life, health life, life life) by at last realising that accepting a situation (as in: this is now, and this is okay) is not the same as giving up on a situation (I hate this, it's rubbish).
I feel lighter somehow!
And your writing is gorgeous. 😘
Oh wow, I’m so glad this piece made you feel lighter — yes, so many of us are going through it! It’s hard bc you see so many “viral” pieces, but I think a lot of are struggling with slowing growth and lowering engagement :( And YES, vodka pasta is my absolute fave - you HAVE to try it! Thanks so much for reading, and here’s hoping things shift a bit on here for both of us!
☺️
There is so much great content on here and it is hard to find time to read them all! I really enjoy your content and the crafty imagery brings a unique level of personal artistry and nuance which I find mentally stimulating to look at and relate to the words, and it emotionally resonates with me too.
Your dedication and consistency is super impressive. I guess it’s because you’re a young American? I think you guys have such high standards for yourselves in this way, always pushing to be a success in everything. As a middle aged European woman (Irish but living in the Netherlands)..my standard for myself is much more gentle, which is probably why I am not very visible on Substack. To be honest, my advice would be totale a short break from time to time and for now, perhaps focus primarily on finishing your thesis? I can also recommend focusing on others for a while, reading other writing on Substack, giving some feedback etc. It’s so rewarding and you can learn a lot too about different approaches to writing and sharing content. Also, you can have an aimless wonder through town, what they call a ‘nicksen day’ here in the Netherlands….with NO PLAN! When things get too much, this is the best way of unwinding..walking, wandering, reading a book in a cafe, trying on new scarves..whatever! My main message is..cut yourself some slack and be your best pal for a day! Maybe buy a new autumn beret or a nail polish. The seasonal change can cause a dip in energy, so try take it slow…
By the way, that dress looks incredible on you! You should get it! But the doll would keep me awake at night haha..but I guess it’s good gothic inspiration!
hahaha yes the doll terrifies my fiancé so he definitely agrees with you! Thank you so much for this warm, heartfelt response Judy. I always look forward to reading your comments. I definitely agree that part of it is a cultural/age pressure — everyone around me is always doing so much, so it often feels like you need to keep up. I love your suggestions for how to unwind a bit — I’m about to get married and go on a honeymoon so I think that will be a very much-needed break for me :)
Lean into the shadows because they show you your strengths by contrast :) You’ve got this x
Thank you so much Loretta! I love that
you ARE doing the right thing--writing! I really believe that resilience, patience, and grit matter even more than talent when it comes to writing success, though you have both. thank you for your honesty here. writing a novel is a private, challenging long game with no guaranteed publication at the end of it, and like of COURSE that is mentally hard for us all! I really appreciate you being upfront about wanting to have your work published for other readers to enjoy & wanting to make money from writing. I am working on undoing the message that I receive often, which suggests that these desires are almost like a dirty thing, like we should just be satisfied being struggling, lonesome unread artists bc we just love the ~craft~ so much, lol. it's not all about external validation but realistically, that's part of it, or else we'd all just be writing in our diaries.
Two more quick stray thoughts: 1) I'm genuinely not looking at my subscriber count anymore but I did recently go to my profile and accidentally see it and i was like OH same number it's been for ohhhh like six months now, huh? lol ugh whatever. I have become much more proud of having a thoughtful, engaged audience vs a high subscriber count anyway, and you have both! 2) RHOSLC is so sooo good and I stand by my belief that the smartest, most literary women I know are watching it <3
Omg I love everything about this comment. YES the hottest, smartest women ARE watching RHSLC. And wow, I am sorry to hear you’re plateauing on here too, but it does make me feel better to know that other writers I really admire are experiencing the same thing, because if a writer I admire as much as you is going through it, it must be okay haha! Thank you thank you Lindsey for the encouragement. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with us for wanting external validation. We just both have to keep going, like we’re already doing! I appreciate you so much :)
I'll echo what others have said already: your newsletter is one i read every time when it comes to the diary entries! I admit i slack off a bit on the writing lessons because i need so much more braincells for those, but your diaries entries are at the same time easy to read, deep in reflection, and interesting to compare to my emotions.
I relate a lot to what you've written! I often remember my younger self wanting to be published (not that i did anything to make that happen), and now that i've started to write more seriously, i face the same emotions as you.
People always say not to put too much of your internal value into external validation (for good reasons!) but i don't think that's very applicable to writers and artists in general. We don't create art to be left in the attick, we do it because we want others to enjoy it -- and for a book that means getting published.
Sorry for waffling on for so long, i just hope you will get that sign very soon and will get your motivation back!!
PS: also don't worry too much about the metrics, i think with the current climate, sadly, american audiences which are most of substack, are a bit less likely to come on here for stuff related to culture and entertainment!
Thank you so so much Rose. This means so much to me! Seriously, this made my day. I love what you said about how "we don't create art to be left in the attic." This is exactly how I feel! Of course, I want to be a purist but also, I care whether people connect with my art! I think all good artists should! And I really will try to care less about the metrics. I think I'm still so new to substack that I haven't learned to like ignore the numbers and understand their natural fluctuations. So, I'm definitely working on that. Thank you Rose :)
I think you're amazing!
I very nearly bought Katabasis yesterday (after spending a half hour staring at titles in the shop); I loved Yellowface. Kuang is so clever. I ended up walking away with two other novels, mostly because I didn't want to read a hardcover on the little holiday I'm about to take, and that was the only option for Katabasis.
Thank you so much Sophie :) That means everything!!
And okay, as soon as Katabasis has a paperback you should buy it— it’s amazing!! Normally, I’d recommend the audiobook, but I think this one really needs to be read on paper.
I admire your work ethic and your decoration to your craft so so much Caroline. I am always so impressed by how structured and well cared-for every aspect of your writing is, from presentation to execution.
You and your bad-ass bob got this, girl.
and also back atcha — seriously I always read your pieces and think… here is someone that is dedicated to her craft and quality above everything!!
LOVE YOU SUDANA
You have no idea how much I am both inspired by & truly admire your writing - trust me when I say your dreams are unfolding as we speak <3
Thank you so much Bailey!! Hope to see you next time you’re on the loop :) xoxo
I relate to this in writing and just in chasing a dream in general. It's hard putting in endless work to constantly face road blocks or stagnation especially when you believe whole heartily in everything that you put out. And it's get even harder when doubt kicks in and your waiting for a sign to tell you that your doing everything right, to just keep fighting. But keep fighting and keep going. When I published an piece that meant everything to me and received not even a glance, you not only read it, liked it but commented and that too me felt like a sign. Like maybe, I wasn't just wasting my time on a dream that's going no where. I hope this is a sign just as much as you were to me, to keep going.
Awww Deavon, thank you thank you for these words. I wish you didn’t relate, but it also means so much that another writer I admire is experiencing similar feelings. I am hoping for a sign for both of us—maybe the best place to search for it is in the work itself. Let’s keep going :)
Let's keep going!!
God I feel the exact same. I wish I could offer some words of comfort but I have none! lol. It’s hard
IT’S SO HARD. At least we’re here for each other :) Here’s hoping it gets a little easier!